Springtime in New York


Summer is fast approaching here in the city and the tell tell signs of springs are everywhere.  Why just yesterday the mayor announced that cycling fatalities were up by 15% from last month.  You can also tell it’s spring by the lack of clothing woman wear around town.  Unlike the west coast, New York women are undaunted by their long hibernation from vitamin D, preferring instead to just put it out there like a bunch of morgue escapees attending fashion week. 

Speaking of fashion, Spring also marks a very short window where woman can wear the expensive mid-weight jackets that comprise 80% of their closet space. This creates a frenzy of custom changes over five week period until all genders are relegated to “wife beater” teeshirts to stave off the sweltering summer heat.  

It seems summer is happening earlier and earlier and for those of you that still think Global Warming is a hoax, let me offer these scientific data points for your consideration.

1. Old jewish people are now migrating north for the winter. 

2. My family in Texas are experiencing empathy towards Mexicans. 

3. A Beaches resort is opening in Nova Scotia. 

4. New York City now has a hurricane season.

5. In eastern Long Island, deer ticks are at an all time high due to the mild winters and it’s now a status symbol to contract Lime’s disease in the Hampton’s.

6.  The new “it” pet to have in LA is a camel.

Of course, this morning I’m standing on the Westside Highway with the kids, trying to get a cab and it’s freakin’ freezing.  April 24th and it’s 35 degrees.  Can’t you just picture Fox News anchors throwing darts at an old Al Gore campaign poster.

The Perfect Storm

We’re holed up at the beach house in Long Island, after the biggest storm to hit the eastern seaboard since George Clooney pushed his luck for a few lousy tuna. I’m watching two idiots from the Weather Channel discussing their water proof wardrobe while Staten Island continues it’s cries of desperation, across the bay from it’s up scale sister. Even the Statue of Liberty has her butt turned towards the forgotten borough. We were lucky that we had a place to go. We get to wear Ugg boots, drink hot chocolate and arm chair quarterback Bloomberg’s decision to cancel the New York Marathon. Our building in the city sits in the center of flood zone “A”, which first came into public view during Al Gore’s climate change doc, the “Inconvenient Truth”. He should make another one called, “I Told You So” because lower Manhattan flooded pretty much as shown in slide 27 of his power point presentation. The kids were oblivious to the 70 mph winds that came whipping over the island and across our back yard. Thing 1 asks where the birds go during a hurricane. That’s a good question. South? Pixie Hollow? I have no idea but now the kids can say they’ve survived two hurricanes in 18 months. It will be part of their personal myth. I’m just hoping a devaluation of flood zone “A” property doesn’t become part of mine.