Summer is fast approaching here in the city and the tell tell signs of springs are everywhere. Why just yesterday the mayor announced that cycling fatalities were up by 15% from last month. You can also tell it’s spring by the lack of clothing woman wear around town. Unlike the west coast, New York women are undaunted by their long hibernation from vitamin D, preferring instead to just put it out there like a bunch of morgue escapees attending fashion week.
Speaking of fashion, Spring also marks a very short window where woman can wear the expensive mid-weight jackets that comprise 80% of their closet space. This creates a frenzy of custom changes over five week period until all genders are relegated to “wife beater” teeshirts to stave off the sweltering summer heat.
It seems summer is happening earlier and earlier and for those of you that still think Global Warming is a hoax, let me offer these scientific data points for your consideration.
1. Old jewish people are now migrating north for the winter.
2. My family in Texas are experiencing empathy towards Mexicans.
3. A Beaches resort is opening in Nova Scotia.
4. New York City now has a hurricane season.
5. In eastern Long Island, deer ticks are at an all time high due to the mild winters and it’s now a status symbol to contract Lime’s disease in the Hampton’s.
6. The new “it” pet to have in LA is a camel.
Of course, this morning I’m standing on the Westside Highway with the kids, trying to get a cab and it’s freakin’ freezing. April 24th and it’s 35 degrees. Can’t you just picture Fox News anchors throwing darts at an old Al Gore campaign poster.