I’m on Spotify making playlists that will hopefully inspire me to workout.  I just purchased an “Up Band” at the apple store. Among other things, it tracks how many calories you take in and burn off in any given day.   Now I’m obsessed with logging each step, meal, nap and sexual encounter with my wife.  They all add up to calories in or out.   I’ve also set the “lazy” setting at 15 minute so my wrist band now buzzes several times a day while I’m working.  Once it goes off, I get up and go to the toilet and it usually stops. The toilet is 25-30 steps depending on how bad I need to go.   I’m listening to “Jump Around” by House of Pain and I’m struck by how few decent white rappers there have been.  The Beasty Boys, Eminem and House of Pain are the only ones that come to mind.  I hear the lyric, “I’ll serve your ass like John McEnroe” and I start to think about how McEnroe embodies the independent, unyielding spirit of rap.  There needs to be a whole rap song devoted to McEnroe I think.  Something that highlights the difference between McEnroe and say Lance Armstrong.  Something like this:

Yo,

your nest is so nappy under the red of your band

you don’t look so happy to fan in the stand

but your rightin’ the wrongs and drawing the lines in

By all of your yellin’, cursin’ and whinnin’

Your Mc-En-Roe, Ja-Ja-John Mc-En-roe

And the tennis world has come to rue ya’

as you slap any ump who tries to step to ya’

Your Mc-En-Roe, Ja-Ja-John Mc-En-roe

And in your day you got down.

The cloths you wore, they kinda looked gay

But you attitude was always in play

You were dopin’ w/o all the drugs

And you make Armstrong look like the mafia thugs

Your Mc-En-Roe, Ja-Ja-John Mc-En-roe

And the tennis world has come to rue ya’

as you slap any ump who tries to step to ya’

Your Mc-En-Roe, Ja-Ja-John Mc-En-roe

And in your day you got down.

Damn, my wrist band just buzzed and I don’t even need to go.