Homeland Insecurity

Just got this email Thing 1’s school:

Dear Families:

Today a nonhazardous white powdery substance was found in an envelope in the main office. As an immediate response, NYPD was notified and an investigation ensued which involved several law enforcement and emergency agencies.  

To allow the investigation to take place, the main office and the hallway outside of it were closed off.  Students remained in classrooms supervised by teachers and school staff, while our amazing staff worked together to put student safety first and assist in keeping as normal a schedule as possible.  Upon receiving clearance, the end of the day proceeded with its usual dismissal routines.  

If you have any further questions regarding this matter, please feel free to contact me.

I know we live next to ground zero but for the love of god, do we really have to keep baring the blunt of all the potential terrorist attacks? I mean, hasn’t the whole area been pre-disastered already?  Thing 1 comes home from school having seen some strange stuff and has lots of questions.  Rumor had it her principal was walking around the halls in full bio hazard gear complete with helmet, mask and tank.  She must have looked like the government people that came to take ET away.  “My snails died today.”, she says sadly like they were a canary in a coal mine.  This is unrelated and I tell her so.  Snails can survive anything short of a french oven. All the kids were confined to their classes while the police, fire and homeland security departments scoured the building for clues about who might have sent what turned out to be a baggy of detergent in a FedEx envelope.  This package might come handy if real terrorists had of attacked with hard to remove spaghetti sauce.  The incident prompts my wife to figure out an emergency plan if a real anthrax attack occurs.  She says, “what’s our plan?”.  I say, “I don’t know, depends on the threat…..anthrax…stay put. Airplane into someone else’s building…. meet at my work.  Plane into our building…meet in heaven ”  We agree that if an evacuation does takes place, we’ll all meet up across the Brooklyn Bridge in Dumbo at Bubby’s pancake house.  From there we would be able to catch a cab or highjack a car at gunpoint.  We would then head out east and hold up at the beach house where I’d need to become a better gardener because I’d have three hungry mouths to feed and very little access to home delivery services.  Thing 1 asks what was in the package that came to the school.  I tell her it was wake up power.

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